Gregg Decides to Play Plumber....Again

Joy sitting at the computer in her office:  "Why do I hear water running in the basement?"

Gregg shouting from the basement:  "Don't come down here!"

Joy:  "Why can't I come down there?  What is that water I hear?"

Gregg:  "Do we not have any pails or anything in this house any more?!"

Joy:  "Why do you need a pail?  What in the world is going on??"

Gregg:  "I just need to get a pail!" and he runs out to the garage to find a pail

Joy coming down into the basement:  "Oh.  My.  God."

Silence as I run upstairs.  Grab the camera.  Come back down and sit quiet as a mouse on the top basement stair.  Til Gregg spots me with the camera in my hand.

Gregg:  "Don't you dare take a picture Joy."

Joy:  "Why?  This would be great on my blog."

Gregg looking at me in stunned disbelief and horror:  "I mean it.  No pictures."

Joy laughing:  "Aw come on.  It's funny."

Gregg:  "Joy you take any pictures and I won't do a damn thing around here ever again."

Joy really laughing now because.  You know.  Ya.  Laughing hysterically.

Joy:  "You're such a stick in the mud.  You have no idea how many men you'd make feel good.  Because surely you can't be the only one.  Let me take some pictures.  If not for me.  For your fellow man."
Gregg:  "Joy I mean it.  I am NOT kidding."

Joy:  "Geeez."

Gregg:  "You can write about it.  I don't care.  But no pictures."

Joy:  "Deal!"

I'll title this one.....

Gregg Decides to Play Plumber....Again....Sigh

Instead of paying a plumber to come out and fix the master bedroom bathroom or to find out where the water is coming from that is making a brown stain on the ceiling in the basement.  Gregg takes it upon himself to "save the T's some money" and fix it himself.  We aren't poor.  But "it's better in our pocket then theirs" is the T plumber philosophy I guess.  Last time Gregg tried to save us some money with his plumbing skills....well....let's just say he didn't.  Gregg is not a plumber.  The man can do a lot of things and is quite a genius at most of them, but a plumber he is not.  I know it.  The kids know it.  And the plumber's we've had in after Gregg's played plumber, know it.  Gregg is the only one who doesn't seem to get he's not a plumber.

Hence the 'water' noise in the basement.  Mr. Wannabe Plumber charged up his cordless saw and proceeds to cut a hole around the brown spot on the basement ceiling.  All is going well.  Until about 6 inches into the cutting.  When all of a sudden water comes gushing out of the 6 inch gap.

Seems the mighty plumber cut the water hose that leads from the kitchen fridge ice-maker to the reverse osmosis under our kitchen sink.  That's right.  The water I heard was the water draining from our reverse osmosis tank.  Through the gap he just cut.  And it was spewing out all over the carpet downstairs.

The water hose from the fridge.  Ah yes.  You know.  Because only clean fresh clear ice cubes will do.  Not well water ice cubes.  No no.  That will never do.  Our well is high in iron and even though we have a kick-ass system to make things excellent with the water, hubby decided a long time ago to play Plumber once again and deemed it necessary to drill holes and snake hoses from the reverse osmosis under the kitchen sink to the fridge ice cube maker.  "Joy, you'll never go back to regular ice cubes again." is what he told me at the time.  The best ice cubes this side of the Canadian border.  Uh huh.

But back to the present.  The tank emptied.  All over the carpet in the basement.  And do we call a plumber to fix it?  Nope.  Gregg has assured me his Plumber senses kicked in and he spliced that hose and all is fine now.  "No more leaking Joy.  I got er."  Personally I don't consider it leaking when you slice through it with a saw.  I call it my big fat mistake is now fixed.  But whatever.

So let's see here.  I'm trying to count the number of times Mr. Wannabe Plumber has saved us money....

There was the dishwasher episode.  That definitely didn't save us money.  And I distinctly remember a hard pout coming from Mr. Wannabe Plumber when we had to bring in Mr. Actual Plumber to fix what Mr. Wannabe Plumber did.  And as soon as Mr. Actual Plumber took a look at the job Mr. Wannabe Plumber did, he said "Who the hell did this?  What a mess."  He didn't know it was Mr. Wannabe Plumber who had done the job and we didn't let on.  As far as Mr. Actual Plumber knew, it was another Actual Plumber who had botched this job.  "I" was going to tell Mr. Actual Plumber who made that fine mess.  But us wives have to stand behind our husbands right?  Well right??

I also remember another time.  When the sink in the master bathroom was replaced.  "Gregg are you sure we don't need to call a plumber?" I whined remembering all too well the bills from previous plumbing episodes.  "No way Joy." Mr. Wannabe Plumber assured me.  "I got er."  He put that sink in, hooked up the faucets and stood back prouder then punch.  "Beautiful" he said.  Then left for about three hours to run some errands.  And received a frantic phone call from me that there was water coming from the ceiling in the basement because the sink in the master bathroom was leaking.

There was also the time the bathroom sink in the main bathroom was replaced.  I don't know how many times I said "Gregg the sink is leaking" and he would say "I got er.  All fixed up."  He never got er and it was never all fixed up.

The sink in the kitchen.  One pipe wasn't glued on (??) properly and one of the kids pulled on the faucet...which comes out to use as a sprayer.....and it happened to catch around this pipe and popped it right off the pipe it was connected too.  So when you ran the water it would just run right under the sink and out onto the kitchen floor.  Made a helluva mess too.

If you were to come to our place and go to use the main bathroom, you would first be struck at how beautiful our main bathroom is.  I picked out the colors, worked with contractors on the cupboards and bath and even though it's a small bathroom, it's quaint and cute.  I would venture to say you would sit on the toilet and admire all Joy's work even.  But when you get up from the toilet, you will be surprised to feel as though the toilet is coming with you.  "The bolts just need to be tightened Joy.  I'll get er."  And then Mr. Wannabe Plumber runs out to the garage and gets his tools and gets er done in that bathroom.  "Toilets all tightened.  It's not going anywhere now.  Go ahead.  Sit down.  You'll love it." he says so proudly.  I don't know if it's fixed.  I refuse to use that bathroom.

For the love of all things sane, can someone PLEASE tell my husband he is not a plumber!  Because this 'saving a buck' is getting real expensive.

****  And just as a side note here.  For MONTHS I've been saying the brown spot leak was coming from the master bathroom shower.  MONTHS.  Once the hose was fixed and Gregg did all his tests of seeing where the leak was coming from.  You know.  Run upstairs and turn on the main bathroom sink.  Nope isn't coming from there.  Run up and flush the master bathroom toilet.  Nope isn't coming from there.  Run up and run the master bathroom shower and...."Well look at that." I believe were the words I heard come out of his mouth.  To which I replied "What?  What was that?  Is it the shower the leak's coming from?  I knew it!  I friggen KNEW it.  Oh man I'm a genius!  A fricken genius.  But don't listen to me.  Nooooooo.  What do I know.  Not a thing.  But I DO know.  And I did know.  And my god, there's going to be no living with me now."  Gregg just mumbled but I know he mumbled something like "Wow she IS a genius, and she DID know and WOW am I so glad I'm married to her."***** 

Comments

[Emily]

Too funny. My husband tries to play plumber and carpenter, but he won't mess with electricity. Thank GOD.

[Radioactive Jam]

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHahahahaha!
Sorry.
But I do in fact feel good.

[Heather]

Hilarious!! I was laughing out loud reading this! My kids came down stairs and just asked me what was so funny!

[Emma]

Was there a lot of swear words at his end? William tried to change a light fixture and did nothing but swear. And throw a few things. It was only a light fixture ffs. I'd love to see pictures of the small bathroom.

[Denise]

I was lmao myself thanx!!

[TeaMouseT]

When Mr. T's plumbing senses start tingling you need to distract him with some other project, and quickly call a real Mr. Actual Plumber!

LOL, i love Gregg stories almost as much as i love Mushu stories!

[That Chick]

Are we married to the same individual? Is your husband, perchance, a large, hairy (except for his head), bald German man?

[Joy T.]

Emma: No, no swear words. Or throwing things. That's usually me who does that. Sad but true. I'll try and get some pictures of the bathroom. It's tiny so it might be kinda hard, but I'll see what I can do.

That Chick: LOL well. He's large, not hairy (except for his head) and Ukrainian. I'm the only German in this house. And I'm large but not hairy. Well except for the occasional upper lip, and odd chin hair since I turned 40. But that's a whole other story.

[Karmyn R]

I'm laughing because I feel your pain!!!! Whenever my husband starts any project of any kind I always have to ask, "Do you REALLY know what you are doing?" Somehow, he manages to muddle through - but you know what? He "fixed" our bathroom shower a year ago and it still leaks....and when I use the washing machine, it leaks faster. How is this possible?

[Sirdar]

LOL!! Ok...I'm going to stick up for Gregg here. You just don't understand Joy. Men need to at least "try" to fix the problems. It comes to the point that if you don't try, your just not a man. And if something does go wrong, you can call in an expert to fix the problem because deep down you know you gave it your best shot. Its all about pride Joy. Just deal with it. You should be proud of the way Gregg at least tries to fix the plumbing. Women...... :-)

[Jeanne]

Your writing should win an award...I tell ya! A BIG Award!! This was P R I C E L E S S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Wait....maybe not....if the big bad plumber has to be called in to fix the problem again!!

[mjd]

Dear Mr. T,
You are a great guy, but you are not a plumber.
Yours truly,
MJD

Joy T. your post is hilarious. I hope with all of the plumbing adventures that you are laughing too. I was chuckling over your craft sticks comment at Karmyn's. Take care...I hope that your day is dry.

[archshrk]

I personally try to limit my plumbing episodes to changing fixtures and the like. I figure if I can't see it out in the open, I shouldn't go looking for it. I will be braving the "install new dishwasher" though. so be looking for my post about what goes wrong with that. I'll have my wife take pictures.