Something's Been Bugging Me

I have to say, I'm sitting here with a big lump in the pit of my stomach.  Why?  Because I received a phone call yesterday morning that had me slightly ticked off.  From a teacher.

I thought about this after calling Gregg and discussing the situation with him and I believe this is only the second time I have ever dealt with a teacher.  Isn't that amazing?  All those years of children in school and only one other time I had to 'talk' to a teacher.  I have friends who are always in the school, always dealing with teachers.  And to be honest I have always felt kind of sorry for the teachers.

But yesterday I sat in my vehicle...because I was out running errands so she called me on my cell phone....after talking to this teacher and I was some ticked off.  Then of course I call Gregg right away and relay what just happened to him and he's ticked off too.  Two ticked off parents and a teacher who I thought was completely out of line.

I know.  I'm talking in code aren't I?  This is where the privacy issue of my kids come in.  Let's see if I can do this without revealing too much.....

Me:  Hi Mrs. S how are you today?  I'm returning your call regarding 'child'.

Teacher:  I think your child doesn't want to be in my class so I think we should just put them in 'the simpler class' so they can get their credits.  They can just 'get it over with' and get their high school diploma that way.

Me - taken totally off guard:  Can I ask why you would say this?

Teacher:  Because your child has skipped three classes.

Me:  No they haven't.

Teacher:  Yes they have.  I have it written right here that they missed....and she reads off the days.

Me:  This would be my fault because I didn't call on this and this day for my child.  I was waiting to make one phone call.  I understand I shouldn't do that because it causes confusion to you so I'll change that and make sure I call right away from now on.  I apologize for that.

Teacher:  Well that doesn't explain the other day your child skipped.

Me:  Why would you assume they skipped?  I just told you they had perfectly good excuses for missing the other days, perhaps there is a perfectly good explanation on why they missed that day as well.  Did you ask the child?

Teacher:  Well no.  It's not my job to ask.  I don't have time to be asking every student about every day they skipped.  If they're skipping then they're skipping and it tells me they don't even want to be in my class.

Me:  Yet you have time to call me, when my child is right there in your class and would be more then willing to tell you where they were on that day.

Teacher:  Silence.

Me:  But ok, I will ask my child where they were that day and we will get back to you on the reason.

Teacher:  It's important children don't skip Mrs. T.  Some parents are blind to their children and these children can be quite sneaky when it comes to skipping.

Me:  My turn for silence.

Teacher:  Are you there?

Me:  I'm here.  I just told you I would ask my child and we would get back to you on the reason.  Until then there isn't anything else to be said on this subject.  Can we talk about why you would want to put this child into the 'easier' class?

Teacher:  Because they don't seem to be interested.  They don't take notes, they are done assignments early and they just 'look' disinterested.

Me:  Silence.

Teacher:  Mrs. T?

Me:  I'm here.  I'm just thinking about this.  So you called me up today to tell me my child was skipping when in fact you don't really know for sure they were skipping.  Then because this child is a bit shy, sits and gets their work done and happens to get their assignments done early....you want to move them to the 'easy' class.  Just to get the credits.  To get it 'over with'.  Then on top of all this you're telling me my child doesn't 'look' interested in your class.  Am I understanding this right?

Teacher:  Well.  I'm just saying that if they are skipping and they don't want to be in my class, then they shouldn't be there and if they don't want to be there, this is a mandatory class that they need for a high school diploma so if we put them in the easy class and just get them through it, then it's all over and done with.

Me: I'm having a little bit of a hard time with this Mrs. S.  I have to say I feel that you've jumped to all sorts of conclusions here when you haven't taken the two minutes it would take to even talk to the child to see what they have to say.  I guess it would be like me not being happy with you and jumping right to the Principal and talking to them about your performance in class.  I wouldn't do that.  I would go to you first.  Like I am now.  Because I have to say Mrs. S.   Your attitude is leaving me with a few doubts on how this semester is going to go for my child with you.

Teacher:  babble stumble short choppy buts....

Both of us were respectful and pleasant.  No one yelled and carried on.  There's no need for that.  The conversation went on a bit further and I could tell she was feeling a bit sheepish about what just took place.  It was left with me telling her I would talk to my child about the stuff we discussed and I would get back to the teacher on what I found out.

Move forward to when I'm asking my child about the above discussion.  They definitely had a good explanation as to the other missing day and they were floored that this teacher said it didn't seem like they wanted to be in her class.  As a matter of fact.  This child was some upset.  Which makes me upset.

However.  This child asked if they could talk to their teacher tomorrow (which would be today) to get all the misunderstandings out.  So they could explain to the teacher themselves on the missing day and how they feel in this teachers class.  They actually like this teacher a lot and like the class.

Blink blink blink.  Absolutely you can talk to your teacher on your own.  But you let me know if there is anything I can do ok??  Cause I can be there.  I don't have to say anything.  Just stand there.  Like a body guard or something.  In case she's mean.  Whhaaaaa are you sure?!

They were sure.  How fricken brave is this child of mine??

So here I sit.  I know the class has ended and hopefully this teacher took the time to talk to my child.  I am sitting here with a lump in my stomach, worried sick over this.  Thank god there's nothing in this home to eat because it'd be gone!  Emotional eater much?  What if the teacher was mean?  What if they were unreasonable, which she already showed she was capable of being?  My child has to deal with this.  And wanted to!  OMG I hope it went well.

Gah!  I hate being a parent sometimes!  The worrying is enough to eat a hole through your stomach some days.

Comments

[Karmyn R]

I hope it all turns out okay -

I am VERY surprised that the teacher didn't speak with your child right away....this would be the VERY first step, I would think before the parents were even called. How bizarre -

[Linda]

You did great! If that had been me I´m not sure I would have been able to control my anger. I don´t think it´s acceptable that the teacher didn´t ask your child before. That should be the first thing! It really gets to me when people underestimate kids and their behavior! Please keep us upated!

Thank you so much for visiting me for TT, I absolutely LOVE your blog! :)

[Lisa's Chaos]

It sounds like your child is growing up. :) Neat that they don't need mom to stand beside them and hope all ends well.

[Jeanne]

Speaking from personal experience...you did a spectacular job of holding your temper! I had a similar experience; however, my daughter had attitude, with a capital A. I think she must get that from her Dad...anyway...I ended up calling a meeting with my daughter, me, the teacher in question, the teacher's supervisor, and the principal. Said teacher was put in her place. And, I smiled all the way to work that day. I'm glad your daughter decided to stand up for herself and hope that it all worked out!! Boy, do I know the stomach aches!! Let us know how it turns out.

[Chick]

You did much, much better than I would have done. Sorry you had to go through that though. :(

[Emma]

You did great Joy, and I am sure that the child dealt with it very well today.

[Penney]

Great job on keeping your cool and give "child" a big hug from me. They were very brave and you and Gregg have odviously done a great parenting job!!! I aspire to be just like you!!!

[Sirdar]

What is with your kid? Getting assignments done early? Is she...slow? Maybe you should put her in the easier class so she can be done her assignments even earlier just to prove how slow she is. (note all the sarcasm here)

You did the right thing. And your kid is doing the right thing in taking responsibility to go talk to her teacher. Hey...maybe you've done well as a parent? :-) Hope it all works out for the good.

[Radioactive Jam]

Seems like you showed amazing restraint. And your child's response? Awesome.

Good for you!

[sheryl]

Geeeeeeehow dare she!!!!! Can you imagine a student getting assignments done early and handed it? What is she thinking? An easier class? Perhaps that teacher should teach that easier class so she can "just get it done". Good for you Joy! That could not have been easy for you! What a mature daughter you have! To think she felt like explaining anything to that teacher. The teachers do not even need to know where you were, they just need to know, that you the parent, is aware your child was not in school! WOW that now got my blood boiling! Hmmmm wonder if that teachers attitude would change if you were to ask to have a meeting with the Principal and her to discuss school policy of children finishing their assignments and handing them in early!

[Lee]

Crazy... like you and others have said, she should have spoken to your child first. Secondly, I would assume that the symptoms of appearing quiet, getting assignments in early means that the child is doing well in the class, perhaps is even bored, so the lower class would make matters worse, not better. Please let us know how things go with your child's conversation with the teacher.

[Dawn]

You handled the situation really well. I must say, I would be some ticked off too. It is awesome your child chose to handle the situation. Teachers are human and as in any field of work, there are the good, the bad and the ugly, and even if this teacher is a good one, she could still have moments of the bad and ugly. Unfortunately, you had to be part of it. Fortunately, this hasn't happened often for you. You showed great self restraint in a situation, in which I would be showing my bad and ugly side.

[chrisb]

I am full of admiration for the way you have dealt with this incident with your child's teacher. How mature of your child to want to deal with it alone you must be so proud. It sounds to me that this teacher doesn't know her class very well- I love your last para of speaking to the teacher it was a real clever put down-she must have felt quite foolish! I twill be interesting to hear the final outcome.

[Frances]

A very similar thing happened to my daughter in high school.
She missed three classes in a row - it was a class that was held on Wednesdays. It was just one of those things; she had a perfectly legitimate excuse for each of the Wednesdays. The teacher made a big deal with my daughter, and told her she would fail the marking period for absences. My daughter said nothing to the teacher, asked to be excused for the bathroom, ran to a payphone and called me.
I jumped in a cab and was at the school before the class ended.
I stood quietly behind the teacher, and waited for her to turn around.
The look on her face was priceless.
My daughter got a passing grade.

[Heather]

WOW! Why on Earth would a teacher move a child to an EASIER class if assignments are getting doen early? It seems to me the teacher needs to reassess how she teaches her class if students are getting done early and aren't interested. It seems like a teacher problem not a student problem.

Not taking notes is not a big deal. Some people have to take notes, some people can remember everything they listen to. Is note taking required??

What a sign of maturity for you child talking to the teacher on their own...you've got a great kid there!

[qualcosa di bello]

gosh...i am guessing from the diploma references, your child is in high school & yet this...
"Did you ask the child?
Teacher: Well no. It's not my job to ask."

why would a teacher not ask if there seemed to be an issue??

good for you & your daughter...she sounds very capable. i hope you let us know how this went!

[frannie]

you are amazing! I would have blown a gasket!

great job to your kid as well! that takes some guts-- which he/she no doubt gets from you!

[Denise]

You my friend did a great job of keping your cool. Hope it turned out ok with said child.

[Susan]

I'm so impressed with how both you and your child dealt with this situation. You are doing a good job there, mama!

I can't help but wonder how many other kids she's shuffled off to an easier class for whatever reason. Geez..

[Bethany]

Wow, you really held it together!! I'm not sure I could have been as polite as you. What a great kid you have.

[Debbie]

How angering. I'll just repeat every one's sentiments and say good for you and your daughter for standing up to that teacher.

I do hope, though, that the teacher learned a lesson here. Since your child actually likes her, I'll assume she's not a complete bitch. Maybe she's jaded after seeing so many other kids skip and waste her time. I know that it is SO not an excuse. I hope your child gets an apology and the teacher learns to ask questions first next time.

[Pamela]

I thought I had left a comment yesterday.

teachers need to be held accountable.
My girls had some great ones and some horrid ones.
Some that should have lost their jobs for incompetence.
Unions and tenure make it difficult to fire someone for not doing their job -

[JennieBoo]

I don't look forward to that aspect of parenting. Think I'll just skip it...thanks.

[Debbie]

I am an emotional eater too. You handled it with more class than I could have mustered up. I have only had 2 "issues" with 2 different teachers.

One could not get it into her head that I was the "mom" and not the "step-mom". She kept saying well your last name is different, I told her ...DUH! I am back to my maiden name because I am now Divorced. Do you know what Divorce is?? I only spoke to her like this, when several attempts before hand did not work. When I left her classroom after the first semester, she understood I was the "mom". :)

The other issue was a misunderstanding about homework and quickly taken care, as my kid did her homework and turned it in early. Was not her fault the teacher lost it. :)

Sorry for my comment being a post. *LOL*

It is hard to me a parent!