D-I-V-O-R-C-E

After 22 years of marriage, Gregg has asked for a divorce.  I didn't put up a fight.  Ok I sort of put up a fight but when you see someone where Gregg is, you know it will be a futile fight.  So I said ok.

I don't imagine this will come as much of a surprise to a lot of you.  I can't say, if I really thought about it, I was too surprised by it either.  Ok I was actually really shocked but that's only because I had gotten myself to a place of "well it's better then nothing" instead of reality when it came to my marriage.

I was truly going to be the spouse who wasn't too happy but knew she couldn't change things so I'll just be content with what I had.  Maybe it would get better and if it didn't then that was ok.  Yes.  I actually planned to live the rest of my life like that.  The dreamer in me always hoped and dreamed things would change and get better.  We were going to be that couple who stayed together no matter what and when we were celebrating our 60th wedding anniversary we were going to be telling everyone we made it through a lot of ups and downs but we made it.

I'm not really sure how I'm feeling about it to tell you the truth.  Devastated of course.  No matter how mad I got at Gregg I always loved him to the depths of my toes.  And even though I tried to play tough over the weekend, I will still love him to the depths of my toes as we make our way through this divorce.  Right now I'm in survivor mode.  Lucky for me I've been in survivor mode before, although I was much younger.  Already my body is doing funky things.  Like throwing up.  In one breath I know I will be ok, in the next breath I throw up and wonder how?

The survivor part of me keeps telling the scared shitless part of me it will be ok.  After all, I'm 45 years of age and have been jobless for 20 years.  I think I'm entitled to be scared.  The survivor part of me keeps having to talk that part of me down off the ledge.

You can imagine the thoughts going through my head right now.  The kids have not taken it very well and I guess it shows that divorce affects children at any age.  They have seen their parents go through a lot over the years and they hoped they could always work things out.  They were always so proud to tell their friends their parents were still married.

I hope to go through this with as much dignity and respect as I can and so far Gregg and I have been doing a lot of talking.  More now then ever before and it is amazing the things that are coming out.  How is a person supposed to know if nothing is said?  These are questions that keep going through our heads.  It's amazing when it's all over, the things that come out.  If I was ever certain about anything before it is that communication has to be key in a relationship.  Communication also has to be done by both parties.  Never assume.  Ask, talk, listen, com-mun-i-cate!  Also time together.  I mean I knew this before, but lordy is it all coming to light now.

The emotions are up and down and so far we are just taking it one day at a time.  As always, the kids are our first concern, but this time I am also putting myself right up there with them.  I am determined that the five of us will all get through this together.

Because I'm me, I have already googled 'divorce support'.  The first thing any article says is that going through a divorce is like going through a death.  I didn't seek support when my sister passed away and I don't plan on making that same mistake twice.  Which is why I'm writing and putting this on my blog.  The old Joy would have just shut the blog down and crawled into a hole to try and deal with this...alone.

You will forgive me for not being sure about too much right now.  Will this blog continue like before?  I have no idea.  I do hope to continue to write Mushu's day, reviews and things that go through my head.  But divorce will be in my head for awhile.  However, will I be writing about the divorce on here?  No.

Comments

[Beckie]

Oh, Joy, OMG! I read that and I feel like someone punched me in the gut so I can't even imagine what you are going through. I wish I was there - closer for you. I'm an email away - I really do care about you.

Definitely - you need to put yourself first right now.

[Nancy E]

OMG! I didn't see that one coming. I have no words of advice to give.... honestly don't even know what to say

But I wanted you to know that I am cyber-here for you if you need to just bitch and moan.

Hugs to you!

[Aoj & The Hounds]

Oh Joy, I am so very, very sorry. My thoughts are with you. All I can offer you is a cyber-shoulder, but it's there if you need it.

Big big hugs

[Ami]

I'm so sorry.

I have no idea what to say or any way to help you through this time.

Know that you have my good thoughts, whatever they're worth.

[chrisb]

I am so sorry to be reading this I really feel gutted for you. You will be in my thoughts ((hugs))

[junebug]

Oh Joy! I did not imagine this happening! I so wish there was something I could do for you. I will be thinking about you and praying for you that you'll find comfort and hope and support through all of this. You'll make it through. You will. I care about you and so do all your other readers. We'll be here.

[Therese]

Bummer!!!!!!!!!!

Continue to concentrate on what you want!! For yourself, for your kids, for your soon to be ex-husband, for your extended family.

Thanks for the real reminder about communication!! That came up here on the weekend and I was wondering if it was worth the effort.

Thanks for the blessing you have been for me and probably many others!!

Good for you for getting support right away and keep a firm eye on want you want for yourself and your family!! Once you have done the best you can you will be able to move on with your life whatever that entails!!

HUGS!!!!!!!!!

Therese

[12ontheinside]

Joy, I don't comment much but read always. I have just gone through this so do know how devastating it can be - If you feel like a chat feel free to email me.

[Judy]

OMGosh Joy, I am totally shocked but I want you to know that I am here for you if you need to talk, rant or just have a giggle. I am just a phone call or an email away. Here is a cyberhug for you because I can't be there in person..(((((JOY))))) Love you girlfriend. Take it one day at a time...
Judy

[Nadia]

Sent you an email...sending lots of love.

[Karmyn R]

I'm so sorry.

I do have advice - think of yourself first. Yes, yes think of the children - but right now they are old enough to handle this situation...you need to take care of yourself!

[JeanneP]

Joy. I'm here for you. Anything you need. Just ask. You've been in my thoughts....and I really hope you are getting the support you need. Hugs and love to you and I'll catch up on email.

[Penney]

I'm so sorry Joy. You'll be in my thought, take care of you! And i'm here if you need me. Sending a big cyber hug to you.

[Beth Staats]

Joy, My heart sank when I read this. I am so sorry. I don't know what to say, I am divorced and know the pain ... but I still don't know what to say. Take care of you first - I didn't and still regret it to this day. Be strong ((HUGS)).

[WT]

Well I surprised, I didn't see that coming (well actually I sort of did). It always breaks my heart to hear of the breakdown of a partnership. Unless there's physical (or significant mental) abuse, I don't see the need to destroy what has taken so long to build.

On the plus side, there's a chance that you may be happier than you have been in a long time.

[Dianne]

Joy,I'm here for you. If you need a cyber hug (((((())))))))))), a shoulder to lean on, or one of our long phone calls, feel free to do so. I'll be thinking of you and your family. Take care. Dianne

[Mahala]

I've never been married so I can't say I know how you feel, but I imagine it's hell. If you ever wanna vent, email me. I can listen.

[denise]

Oh JOY!
I am so so sorry. Big hugs to you. As you know I am divorced and even though it was my choice... It is never easy. Thinking of you!

[the planet of janet]

oh, honey, i'm so sorry. like the other commenters before me, i am also cyber-here if you need anything.

xoxo

[Elleoz]

I am so very sorry. Like so many (and you-of course) I didn't see this coming. Many prayers are with you as your deal with this. Just remember that you are a strong woman and you WILL get through this.

[Karen]

I'm so sorry, Joy. Please know that you're strong enough to get through this. And all your bloggy friends are here to help you...

[Deb]

I am speechless!

I too am here for you...

[SAA]

I'm so sorry to hear of your upcoming divorce. Know that we're all here for you.

Everyone has written such great responses that I really don't have anything else to add except that I ditto all the above.

You're in my thoughts.

[Lisa in NJ]

I don't even know what to say Joy. I'm blown away by this. We are all here if you need somone to vent to. Is there a chance of working it out now that you are talking? I hope so, boy do I hope so.

[Pamela]

I'm big eyed and speechless.
Like everyone else, I want to offer whatever support I can.