A Spot of T

Eight Weeks Post-Op

I told everyone who emailed this would be here right after my six week check-up and here I am sitting at eight weeks post-op.  What can I say?  Sorry.  I'm back-dating this post so it doesn't come up as a latest post.  I imagine those who use RSS feeds or something else will see it, but I can't do anything about that.  Just hit delete if you're as tired about surgery talk as I am.

So here's a long list of questions I've received in the past eight weeks about my hysterectomy.  I may write another post at the 6 month mark....and tuck it in again.  Remember just because you're healed on the outside (incision), there are hundreds of sutures on the inside that need to heal.  Otherwise, this will be the last entry on it.  The journey of my bouncing baby fibroid.  What a ride. 

I really do appreciate all the emails I've received from everyone over the past month.  I haven't been able to get to all of them yet, but I'm working on it.  I am thinking of those ladies who wrote saying they just about to go and also those who surgeries are coming up fast.

On to the Questions because they answer any updates I might write about.  THE biggest question I've received so far is......

Are you glad you had the surgery?  Any regrets?

So far I am very glad I had the surgery.  Absolutely no regrets.  I am healing very well, the ovary that was left in appears to be doing it's job and I have had no problems hormonally.  Knock on wood.  I'm sleeping much better and getting around much better and life is very good.  I still get tired easily but according to my doctor this is normal.  It doesn't help I constantly tend to overdo things either though.

I'm curious.  Do you know how much your fibroid weighed?

I didn't ask, but my doctor thought I would want to know so she told me.  The total weight of the uterus she took out was 312 grams.  Which I didn't blink at....until she told me a normal uterus weighs approximately 70 grams.  So when she tells me I should be a bit more shocked when she says "The fibroid was very big Joy", I guess I am.  I wish now I would have asked her to take a picture of it.  She's great and I know she would have, but I didn't think about it until after the surgery.  I would have loved to have seen it.  

You mentioned mesh underwear in one of your posts.  Did you ever get any?

I had heard about those mesh underwear they give you in the hospital, but never thought much more about them before surgery.  I'm here to tell you.  Take them!  You won't think you'll use them, but I swear they are the greatest invention ever.  I had a pair on when I left the hospital and asked for another pair which the nurse was nice enough to give me.  Oh man those things are the greatest.  And trust me, if they can fit over my bodacious hips they will fit anyone.  They stretch like you can't imagine.  What's so great about them is....they hold your tummy.  Like a really loose fitting girdle.  Not snug enough to hurt your incision or swelly belly, but snug enough to hold it so it doesn't flop around.  And the mesh lets your incision breath.  Greatest things ever.

You said they took the staples out, but is that it?  Didn't they put anything else in their place?

Yes, they sure did.  The staples came out and the nurse put steri-strips on and also some gauze.  The steri-strips will come off when they are good and ready.  If you can pull them off, I say you are a braver person than I.  I was told they would come off on their own and I let them do exactly that.  The guaze I only wore for a few days because the incision was still oozing a bit in spots.  You will get cleaned up and showered and the next thing you'll notice blood where the incision is.  Totally normal to have a bit of blood and even the incision area to be a bit warm.  It's when the blood turns green or the incision get's hot that you need to get yourself to a doctor.  I kept my incision as dry as possible and didn't pick at the steri-strips at all.  Ok I did pick once, but it pulled, I squealed and then left them to fall off on their own.  Which was normally in the shower.

It sounds like things went very well for you.  Do you think your attitude had anything to do with it?

Good question.  I had a great attitude going into this.  Yes I was very nervous, but I think I went in really positive.  I had a great deal of trust in my Ob/Gyn as well as my GP, I had researched everything to death and asked a million questions and I liked the hospital I was going to.  I kept thinking about what life would be like after the surgery.  No matter what happened during surgery or how painful it was to deal with after, I was going to try everything in my power to get back to the health I once had.

Click on "Continue Reading" to read more questions.......

Pre-Op Extravaganza

I went to the hospital today and all I got was this fud ugly red bracelet.  That I wear until my surgery.  And it doesn't go with anything I have to wear.  And they put it on my right wrist which means I had to use the camera with my left hand and I really suck at taking pictures with my left hand.

Today was pre-op day?  Pre-torture day?  I can't remember what they called it now.  I received a call last week and it was scheduled for today at 8:15am.  Bright and early.  Or in my case, not so bright.  Once I got to the hospital and pointed in the right direction I was right on....10 minutes late.

I'm very proud of myself.  I only played with the blood pressure machine once when no one was looking and I didn't get too embarrassed when I fell asleep waiting for the EKG lady to come give me the test.  Curled up in the fetal position and drooling away, those beds can be mighty cozy when you are sleep deprived.  I told her to 'go away' in my sleep induced fog when she shook me to wake me up and she laughed and said I made her day.  I have no idea why I made her day but the 15-20 minutes of Zzz's was like heaven for this body of mine.

I hate surprises and I hate the unknown so this pre-op thing is the greatest thing.  Never having been through anything like this, I found it invaluable.  And after all the tests, turns out I'm healthy as a horse.  Well except for the huge fibroid and the symptons that go along with that, but you know what I mean.  EKG was exomoondo, blood pressure exactly where it should be and 4 viles of blood will no doubt come back good as well.  The nurse said just looking at me the iron test will most likely come back low, so it won't come as a big surprise when I get a call on that, but she said to continue taking my iron and vitamins right up until surgery.  It was great to be reassured the surgery will put all this low iron nonsense behind me once and for all.

I have to add this in this already long post because I feel it's really important.  The symptons I have been feeling for so long now are not age related.  I have had two doctors tell me this, my GP and my OB/GYN.  My confidence in the past day had been burst so I asked the nurse again today.  Her words "The symptons you are experiencing are NOT age related Joy and don't let anyone tell you they are."  She said it infuriates her when women put their health at risk because they think, or they've been told, it's just a natural part of getting old.  Getting old is one thing, suffering is another.  And I'm mad now and couldn't agree more.  I waited much too long thinking my symptons were age related when in fact all these years I've had a big fat fibroid growing inside me.  I will yell it from the rooftops and put anyone in their place who tells me differently.  Aging is one thing....suffering is another.  My hopes are back up and my bubble inflated again and to anyone out there who is suffering, get checked out.  Cripes if I can do it anyone can do it because I am the worst when it comes to doctors.

So every single thing was explained to me about before, during and after surgery and they only lost me once when they said something about how important it was to have a completely empty bowel for the operation.  Ya.  I kind of zoned out with that one.  The nurse could tell I was a bit uncomfortable but assured me it was no big deal.  Sure.  And when I said "No one told me about that when I signed up for this.  What the hell??" she laughed and then proceeded to explain in greater detail how close the organs were to each other and a bowel that is full could easily be nicked during the operation.  So fine.  FINE!  But I am NOT going to like it.

She said there are two things she can't stress enough to women who go through a hysterectomy and they are 1)  TAKE the medication that is given to you for the pain.  Some women, like me, who would rather stick a hot poker in their eye before taking drugs are not doing themselves any favor by not taking the drugs.  It won't entirely take the pain away, but it will make it bearable and less stressful and as we all know a stressed body isn't likely to heal as fast as a wonderfully drugged up body that is a bit calmer.  And 2)  walk as soon as you can after the surgery.  The nurses will want to get you up and a friend has already told me this, but you will not want to get up.  You will hurt but they will want you to get up and walk.  And it's because they want your bowel and bladder to start working again asap.  Apparently having the abdomen open like that instantly makes the bowel freeze (I think that's the word she used?).  Also, because the abdomen is opened you will be one gassed up patient when all sewn up.  Her exact words to me were "There has never been a greater time to fart and fart proud then after surgery."  The nurses will congratulate you and it's because when you fart it means your bowel is coming to life again.  Who knew?  Not me.  So heaven knows Gregg has farted in front of me enough times in the past 20 years so I guess I finally get my chance to pay him back.  Good grief.  Is there no humility left.

I call the day before to see what time I go in on the 5th and there is always a chance the surgery could be postponed.  Good to know this one.  Because I thought it was written in blood and would have been one miserable soul to get my nerves all in order only to have the surgery postponed.  Now I can prepare for both.

No colds.  Do.  Not.  Catch.  A.  Cold.  Surgery will be postponed if you catch a cold.  Good to know this one too.  So I would just like to tell my family who have made fun of me over the years for carrying my little bottles of antibacterial soap around in my purse.....pffffft.

Fibroid Talk...Delete Now

Oh my.  Seems lots of people would like to know how I knew I had a fibroid, what my experience has been leading up to this, etc.  Very interesting.  I'm beginning to learn there are a lot of women walking around out there with these wonderful female 'issues'.

My apologies right now to the men who happen to stop by my blog today, but, you know, us gals gotta have a little pow wow here because it's always nice to know you aren't the only one going through something like this.

Keep sending me your emails ladies if you're not comfortable commenting, I'm not one of those bloggers who needs comments, I like hearing from you however you choose to communicate with me.

So here we go......warning.....long....ZZZzzzzzz.....

I didn't know I had a fibroid.  I knew something was wrong but I couldn't put my finger on it.  I've been blessed with an incredibly healthy 'adult' life so I seriously chalked my symptons up to getting old....going through peri-menopause....getting.....old.  Sigh.  Turns out I've probably had this thing sitting in me for awhile now....growing....and getting old is one thing, but getting old and suffering is a whole other thing.

Now because I have seen the same doctor since I was 17, we could pretty much narrow it down to when the problems began.  Lots and lots of years ago.  Does that help?  Back then I came in saying I was tired.  But back then I had three young kids I was raising, I was run off my feet and so ya, I was tired.  Oh and I was really starting to gain weight.  Never a weight problem my entire life but the more tired I got, it seemed the more I ate.  Weird I know but it's true, and my doctor had an explanation for that too.  So my doctor had some blood tests run with the promise from me that I would return for that yearly physical we all know and love so much.  Blood tests came back and I was 'slightly' anemic, she put me on iron, I never took it....and then never went back for another 6 years.

After 6 years I decided to go back to my doctor because I was feeling horrible all the time.  I was SO tired.  My monthly cycles were almost unbearable with the bleeding (with clots the size of grapes or a little bigger) and pain in my lower back once in awhile.  I'm a hermit anyhow, but I really started to live my life like a hermit because I couldn't seem to function very well.  I still had those three kids to raise and I focused every last bit of energy on them....and then I would crash at the end of the night.  Sometimes even during the day.  The yard work that has always been a passion of mine and my flower and vegetable gardens I loved so much, were put to rest because I couldn't seem to function to do anything about them.  I remember now saying to my husband "I just don't know what's wrong, I get so tired doing the simplest things.  I used to be able to do yard work and I'd love it, but I just can't do it anymore without getting so tired and my back, it aches just raking the leaves."  Blood tests were run, I was to re-schedule to get in for a 'physical' and iron pills were prescribed.  The iron worked ok and seemed to help a bit with the tiredness so I told myself I would deal with the pain because that's what getting old for us women was all about and......I didn't go back.

Skip ahead two years (now) and I went in to see my doctor again about a month ago, and her words to me were "You leave this office and I loose you so you get undressed and get up on this table right now so I can see what's wrong.  I will tie you down if I have to Joy."  By this time the symptons are, 'severally' anemic (6.8), lower back pain all the time, a pain/ache going down my left leg, a feeling of heaviness in my stomach, frequent every hour! urination (because the fibroid is pushing on my bladder), dizziness, heart palpatations, feeling anxious, lethargic all the time and extremely painful heavy bleeding every month (with clots the size of small oranges).  And when I say bleeding ladies....I mean bleeding.  Unless you've experienced this, when you hear someone say "Geez I sure had a heavy month this month" you can only dream to have 'just' a heavy month.  Oiy, the stories I could tell on 'Joy's most embarrassing monthly moments'.  My doctor did the exam, went to feel for the ovaries to make sure they were ok and....couldn't feel them.  'Something' was in the way.  At one point she pushed on the right side (because I'm a big girl) of my stomach to see if she could feel the ovary that way, and I just about died right there on the table.  The pain!  She instantly said...."I'll bet dollars to donuts you have a fibroid and I feel your uterus at a 4 month pregnacy size.  "Ummm ok.  What does that mean?" I asked.

What it meant was there was no more dodging doctors.  An ultrasound was scheduled with the option of an MRI sooner if I wanted.  And frig, don't write saying you think it's wrong some people have to wait months on end while others can just pay and get in right away, because you are entirely 100% right of course, but that's how it is and if I have the option and I can financially do that option, then I'm going to take whatever option I see fit for me.  So I talked to my husband who said "Hell ya, you get in there and get in there now.", an MRI was scheduled for the following friday, the tests were back in two days, it showed the fibroid was much larger than my doctor had anticipated (5 month) and my original ob/gyn appointment that was scheduled for May was then re-scheduled as an 'emergency' appointment for the following monday.  Nothing like a large mass in your uterus to get the ball rolling.

So ya, that's where I am at right now.  I had my ob/gyn appointment today, and I have to say how incredibly cool it was seeing her after all these years.  She delivered two of my three children and would have delivered all three but Michael was born on the 30th of December and she wasn't 'quite' back from her vacation yet.  She is so incredible.  Incredible.  Have I mentioned how incredible she is?  Cause she is.  Sweet and mild mannered and the gentlest touch.  Love HER!  I feel like I'm in the best hands possible with both my GP and my ob/gyn and I trust my ob/gyn with every fibre of my being.  AHA or every fibroid of my being.  I know.  I'm funny.

The options on this size of fibroid?  Only one.  Hysterectomy.  Scheduled for one month from now.

Now this is where I cut it kinda short because I've had quite a few people email me about hysterectomy's and are saying not to get one and you'll be sorry, etc. etc.  So listen up.  I would never say those words to anyone who happens to read this.  To say to someone never get this or that is the equivalent, to me, of telling someone how to raise their kids or what to do in their marriage or anything else for that matter.  Because as we all know each child is so different, each marriage is so different and every circumstance is so different.  What will work for one certainly won't work for another.  So put the "Save the Uterus" posters away because....I'm not into that.  I'll do what's best for me thanks.

To those who are yelling "Save the Uterus you will be so sad to see it go". I'll make this easy for you.  No I won't.  Did you get that?  No.  I.  Won't.  Not only do I have no other choice but after the research I've done....I would have chosen it anyhow.  I'm 43 years old, I have one child out on her own and two more probably gone in the next 5 years or so.  This uterus has served its purpose and I've been grateful for the three children it helped bring into this world.  But if it goes and I never have to worry about another fibroid like this again.....it's outta here.  I have no mental connection to it.  I am not one with my uterus.

You couldn't possibly know this about me, but I never go into anything lightly or blind.  I search and research and then just when I think I've read everything there is to read.....I start all over again.  I trust my doctors, I trust myself and really, there's no more to be said right.

But for all the uterus huggers of the world, maybe I'll ask my doctor to put mine in one of those ziplock baggies for me on April 5th and I'll take it home and then bury it in the back yard and sing koombaya or something to give it a proper farewell.  It's the least I could do I suppose.  But I doubt it.  My luck it would only encourage the coyotes to come closer to the house......and who needs that.

A Bouncing.......

So ya.  I'm pregnant.

Ha.  No I'm not.  But isn't that funny?  Well ok my husband didn't think so and after I picked him up from the floor.......

When a woman has a fibroid a doctor feels her uterus and measures it in size, often comparing it to the size of a uterus during pregnancy.  I am now sitting at a 5 month pregnant....umm....uterus.  I've had so many things wrong for the longest time now, but certainly none that I remember having with three pregnancies.  It was so long ago now who would remember anyhow.  So imagine my shock when my doctor phoned me two days after my MRI and told me I was sporting a bouncing baby fist-size fibroid in my uterus and she had already taken measures to get me in to my ob/gyn asap.  Shocked.  And so unexpected.  I mean, we have teenagers now, we're just starting to see the light when it comes to kids leaving the nest and we've always used precaution and everything, and still....a little bundle is in our midst.

Ok I'm being stupid, but so many people (83!!) have emailed asking about the MRI post I wrote, I thought I'd write one big post and get it over with.  You know.  To put the rumors to rest.  I'm not dying.  So go and put Aunt Jenny's antique bowl back because you can't have it.

Yep, I saw the picture, held up my hand, and I'm sportin a fibroid the size of my fist.  No baby.  No wondering whether it's a girl or a boy.  I already know.  It's a blob.  And no one write and tell me fibroids are no big deal because according to my doctors this one is a very big deal.  But.  Fibroids are do-able/fixable.  One this size can't be left and unfortunately one this size doesn't leave me with too many options either, which is why I haven't been able to focus on anything else lately.  It's been all consuming and for once in my life I've had to focus on 'me'.  If you're a mother/wife you'll understand.  We always come last.  But not this time, I couldn't put the pain off any longer sloughing it off to 'just getting older'.  God people, if you're hurtin get in to see the doctor, it's really not worth leaving it.  My doctor had to finally threaten me with tying me down because she knew something was wrong but I wouldn't come back for the right tests.  Diagnosing a person with anemia is one thing, but 'why' a person is so anemic is a whole other thing.  And I've learned it's not being brave to just suck it up.  It's being scared.  And stupid.

But in the whole scheme of things.....everything's pretty ok. To be honest, I'm grateful.  There have been things wrong with this body of mine for so long now it actually gives me hope I can get an active healthy life back once this is taken care of.  I am often heard saying "I am blessed with such a lucky life" but no one hears the "except for this damn health problem I've been dealing with" part because if you're like me, you just never say anything.  If you're like me, you tend to surround yourself with people who wouldn't hear you anyhow.

But people over the internet......perfect strangers......who read my blog.....have asked how I'm doing.  Insisted even.  Yes I'm talking about you Sandy.  I'm not used to it people, but I'm going to admit, it is sooooooo nice to be thought of.  I keep saying I'm amazed by the blogging world, and I am.  You are all the sweetest things ever and if you lived closer I'd be huggin you.  Cause that's what I do sometimes.  I hug :o)

Does this MRI make me look fat?

MRI in medical terms stands for Magnetic Resonance Imaging.  In my terms it stands for big stupid inconvenient doody head.

Things I learned in the MRI office......

1. I learned to never sit in the Ultrasound side of the clinic when you are going for an MRI.  Because you will sit there muttering under your breath that everyone runs late nowadays and no one can be bothered to be on time anymore when in fact the MRI side of the clinic is saying the same thing about you because you're now ten minutes late.
2. I learned to never look, talk or say "fine thanks how are you?" back to the scary ruffled gentleman who is talking to himself in the corner.  Because when you do answer him he will come and sit by you and talk much too close for your personal boundry issues you have.
3. I learned to always go for the 'big girl' gown right off the hop.  Beacuse if you don't, when you step outside your dressing room to get a bigger size you just might give the gal sitting out there waiting for her MRI, a free peep show.
4. I learned if two techs and one doctor can't get the stupid IV in your arm, don't get angry with them, it's not their fault your veins suck.  It is their fault if your arm still hurts hours after having the IV taken out though.
5. I learned if the tech says "Do you have any questions?" once you're all tucked in and strapped down on the MRI bed and you say "Just one.  Does this MRI make me look fat?" you will get two techs and one doctor who think you should apply to a comedy club because you're so damn funny. 
6. I learned that the little round black thing on the MRI machine is actually a tiny microphone for the techs to hear what you are saying while you're lying in the MRI bed.  I learned this all on my own about 20 minutes into the test because the tech came on over my headphones laughing at my made up song to Coppa Cabana and asked me to 'sing it again Joy'.    
7. I learned it's not wise to chew bubble gum while having an MRI test because some sick twisted childish side of you will want to blow a bubble with that bubble gum and since your hands are strapped down to the side of your body, you won't be able to get the bubble gum off should fate want it to blow up all over your face.
8. I learned that not only is there a tiny little microphone on the MRI machine but there is also a camera so the techs can see things like bubble gum blowing up in a patient's face. 
9. I learned that techs are really good sports about stopping a test to come take gum off a patient's face.  They'll laugh but they will also confiscate your gum.
10. I learned that even though the headphones they put on you are supposed to keep the incredibly loud noise of the machine down, you still come out with ringing ears and saying things like "Huh?" "Whadya say?" "Excuse me?" for a little more than two hours after the test.
11. I learned that when one of the techs grabs your arm and turns you around to look at her and says "Good luck Joy, we hope everything works out for you." that you take what she said with a grain of salt.  And that perhaps she was wishing you good luck on the lotto ticket you just bought and 'works out' really means 'working out' as in the gym, and not something else.  Because thinking anything else might make one lose sleep and someone who already suffers from insomnia really doesn't need any help in that department.
12. And finally I learned there's nothing better after an MRI test than to take a bit of time for yourself to go antique shopping and then stopping at your favorite coffee shop for a wonderful cup of Hazelnut Latte to really set things straight with the world.