A Spot of T

Things I Heard in The T House This Weekend

"I swear to god I will do a DNA test to see who stuck their gum under my office chair if someone doesn't fess up right now!"

"I think our dog has issues."

"Who left the lights on in my truck when they thought it'd be a hoot to sit and watch a DVD out there last night?!"

"Gregg if I find one more of your toothpicks in the lint container in the dryer, I will shove them up your fingernails."

Gregg and Joy in the kitchen....

Joy:  "So what's up?"

Gregg:  "Nothing much, just puttin the dishes away from the dishwasher because apparently no one else in this house is capable of doing it and good ol dad has to work his fingers to the bone to support his family in the manner to which they've become accustomed too and I don't mind that at all but then I have to come home and do dishes and it's a little bit annoying but I don't mind because that's the kind of guy I am, the good guy, always the good guy, that's me."

Joy:  "Oh ok.  But you DO realize the dishwasher wasn't turned on and you're now putting away dirty dishes right?"

Conversation between Gregg and his oldest daughter Kelsey.....

Gregg:  "So how's it going?"

Kelsey:  "Good, how about for you dad?"

Gregg:  "Good.  Good."

Kelsey:  "Well that's good."

Gregg:  "Yep, good is good.  Speaking of good, how's that boyfriend of yours."

Kelsey:  "Oh he's REALLY good!"

Gregg:  "Well that's good."

Kelsey:  "Ya, but he couldn't come down this weekend because he had to work."

Gregg:  "Uh huh, well sometimes that happens."

Kelsey:  "Ya, mom says absence makes the heart grow fonder though so we'll be ok."

Gregg:  "I think your mother meant to say abstinence makes the heart grow fonder."

Kelsey:  "Oh my God dad!"  "MOOOOooooom!"

"I'm not ungrateful at all.  If you go out and buy me a muffin I expect a whole muffin, not one with three bites out of it."

"Mom when you excuse yourself in the middle of a conversation and then come back and say things like "There that's better.  I put my bra on and the girls are back up where they should be." I just want you to know, there's no recovering from that for me."

"I put your desk together.  I didn't have fun putting your desk together.  If I have to put another desk together I want a bottle of spiced rum sitting right there beside me."

A friend called up to say she just got the below email and it instantly reminded her of me.....I don't see it? :o)

A lady was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking space.

Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me.  If you find me a parking place, I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and vodka."

Miraculously, a parking place appeared.

She looked up again and said, "Never mind.  I found one."

Things I heard in the T House This Weekend

"MOOooom Mushu just went up on the couch with his wet feet and he's laying on the new blanket you bought......and actually he smells like he rolled in something really funky......should I get him down?"

"Mom if you say 'James Blunt has lips to diiiiiiie for' in that voice again I swear I'm going to puke."

JamesBlunthaslipstodiiiiiiiiiefor :o)

"The reason your glass keeps tipping is because that 'ring thing' is my punch needle project NOT A COASTER!"

"Mushu you get into the garbage one more time I will skin you alive!"

Gregg:  "Ok listen up, it's a bit complicated but I think I can explain this pretty good.  Are you listening cause I'm really good at explaining things?"

Joy:  "Oh ya, I'm waiting with baited breath."

Gregg:  "Ok so the H and L4 position of the front drive control lever provide either lock or unlock the mode of center differential.  Use the center differential lock system if your wheels get stuck in a ditch, or when you're driving on a slippery or bumpy surface.  You can use the H mode - high speed position and two wheel drive which means you put the front drive control lever at H and 4WD switch left out or you can use th..............

Joy:  "ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz"

Gregg:  "I don't find that funny."

"Who spilled chocolate milk on the rug downstairs and didn't bother cleaning it up?!  I swear to GOD we can't have anything nice in this house.  Morons."

"Mom WHY are you wearing your pajama's, slippers and housecoat to drive me to the party?  You better not get out of the vehicle!"

"Fourteen bowls in the cupboard and you gotta eat your sauerkraut from a cup?"

"Did you know if you spill water on the mouse pad and then try to slide the mouse through it.....it won't work?  Actually the mouse isn't really working that great now."

"Hey I won a free ticket in Super 7.......I was really hoping for a bit more."

"You bought what for the dog?!  OMG I can't believe you bought that for the dog??  This officially makes you one of those crazy dog people."

"Heyyyyyy who took the Kit Kat from the cupboard??"

Things I Heard In The T House this Weekend

"MOoom the dog got into the laundry room and pulled out everyone's underwear again.  I just found them all hidden under the air hockey machine."

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"MOOooom can I sleep over at K's because A and L are going to be there too and her mom said it was ok for all of us to take the bus, and it's going to be so much fun, and then tomorrow they will come over to my house and we'll have fun over here too.  Oh and can you give everyone a ride because their parents are busy?"

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"Hey dear, you want to go to the Rusty Cup for breakfast on Sunday?"

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"MOOooom I'm stayin over at T's tonight and then he'll come and stay over at my house tomorrow night.  We want to go quadding.  T was wondering if you were going to be making any of your cinnamon buns this weekend?"

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3:00 o'clock in the morning......

"Bark bark bark bark bark bark bark grooowwwllll bark bark bark bark bark grrrrrrrr bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark bark grooooooowwwwwwwwwwwlllllll grrrrrrrrrrr bark bark bark bark bark"

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"Shut the F*&^ up you stupid mutt!!"

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"I swear to GOD if I have to put one more roll of toilet paper on the toilet paper roll, I'm just going to throw every single roll we have in the garbage.  There!  Try wiping your butts......with NOTHING!"

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"Joy.....pssssst......hey Joy..........are you up......Joy......hey Joy........you up.........did you know the microwave was really dirty inside?  I wanted to heat up some kubasa for breakfast but the microwave is dirty."

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"I'm sorry but we're all out of carrot and cream cheese muffins.  I'm sorry we're out of zuchinni and walnut muffins.  I'm sorry we're out of blueberry muffins.  I'm sorry we're out of poppy seed muffins too.  Oh, ok well we do have lots of cheese muffins left......but that's because no one likes them."

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"What sick demented person put their chewed-up wad of gum in the jelly bean bag that's on my desk??!"

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"OK who put their spaghetti in the microwave and didn't cover it up?  I'm not cleaning that up you know.  When hell freezes over is when I'll clean that up."

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"It's not hard, touch my camera again and I'll chop both your hands off."

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"Love you mom, love you dad, you two be good when you're out on your date tonight."

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"Mybad?  What in the world does mybad mean?  If it means oops why don't you just say oops, why do you have to say mybad like that, I bet if you opened up a dictionary you'd find oops in there, show me where it says mybad in the dictionary.  Mybad.  For pete's sake, when I was a kid..........."

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"MOOooom dad's doing one of his 'when I was a kid' stories again.  Make him stop!"

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"Hi mom, I came to see you.....and do some laundry........and use the computer.......and tell you I met a boy."